Wow.. did not really see last month going the way it did. xD

Anime Expo, we skipped it. Not so terrible a thing, just unexpected. Though i did miss all you conny friends x3

Mid-late month, out of the blue Laura says we're breaking up. Wait, what?! So almost exactly 1 year longer than any previous relationship, by far the one i took most seriously, and far and away the one most invested in, and its up and gone without any real warning.

And of course LATER THAT NIGHT after she shows up and drops some of my things off, my mother decides to drop ANOTHER bombshell on me (worst... day... EVAR!), that about 3 months ago while talking to a specialist about her Celiac disease and other things she can do to improve her health and life, she finds out from him that its basically almost certain i have it to, possibly INSTEAD of Autism since they have identical symptoms in severe cases. So partly i hate it because she FAILED TO MENTION IT FOR 3 GODDAMN MONTHS, and partly because it means a gluten-free diet, no wheat, no bread, the shits basically in everything, yadda yadda. But on the other hand it means big personality and life changes in a very short period of time, with more changes happening long-term. Could this be a chance to save my relationship, to be back with the one i love? So i hit the diet immediately.

Then around day 3 of the diet, i get crazy sick: shakes, sweats, vomitting, diarrhea, etc. Figure out its withdrawals, and end up going through those for 3 or 4 days.. I start getting through them, I find a potential job and apply, i register for school again, basically start working on my life, hoping that the end of that week when we were at Cyborg's iceskating, and saying goodbye to our dear friend Miroku whos off to Mexico so some uncertain length of time to deal with family stuff, I would be able to have changed enough for the better to convince her not to go. That didnt work, i honestly doubt it would matter no matter how much i changed, i figure her mind had been made up by the time she first broke it off.

After this is was time to start working on getting over it and moving on my life. This started with trying to end it, thank goodness i have such wonderful friends who were able to stop it and talk some damn sense into me. Then it moved into crying, and lots and lots of that. Then it moved into RAAAAAAGE!.. that one didnt accomplish anything, it was hard to be mad, i knew getting into that relationship that she was aloof and cold, i couldnt really expect the relationship to end any differently.. Then it degenerating into drinking.. i pretty much kept myself tanked for at least 4 days straight, which at least helped put some time buffer, but in the end, not really a long-term solution. In the end its mostly just been a week-odd of moodswinging cycle of depression, then anger, then really weird happiness i still dont quite get..

I really dont know if i myself WANT to move on, or would rather have her back if i could, both are appealing in their own ways, but in the end the latter option isnt really.. well.. an option xD. So the choice is clear. D, Envy, and Miroku are all convinced ill find someone else at mikomicon at the latest. I doubt it, and didnt even want to go, but iv had about a dozen people insist, offer places to crash, offer to hang out the whole time, etc. So looks like ill be there.. At least i didnt completely put myself on hold, some point last week i applied at and joined a few different anime/gamer/nerd groups, and Friday even went to a meeting, met about 15 very awesome people full of win!

All around it was a very very rough month, but after all of it, it gave me back something i was missing this last year.. Drive! Motivation! Success! I had one of the things i want in my life and got comfortable, stopped pursuing the other facets of my life i was unhappy with. Now im closer with my family than before, closer with my old friends, making lots of new friends, expanding my knowledge. So now the two facets of my life that are lacking are work, and relationship.. A career still hasnt popped up, but hell, its been very little time xD and im better with not working than i am working a job that makes me unhappy :3. As to the relationship, not completely over Laura yet, but at the same time, may never be, i certainly dont WANT to forget everything, theres alot to learn from our time together. For one, learning to DAAAATE before getting completely attached.. Its better, healthier to date around a bit, see the options out there. There is no perfect person, and its inevitable to have to compromise about some things, but the more you date, the more you see what exactly your compromising on, and what things are most important to you. Our generation, or maybe just us nerds, are godawful about that, maybe in the case of us nerds because we're desperate and dont have as many fish in the sea that we're ok with as other people. But im finding i really dont have that much trouble attracting women. Maybe its the newfound confidence i have just from knowing ill be ok, maybe its the weightloss from the new diet (its surprisingly easy to lose weight when you stop enjoying food xD), or maybe its the personality changes from the new diet. Maybe its all three, or maybe its none, maybe it was always like this and i was always just too distracted to notice.

Anyways, its been a while since i made a rant of this magnitude, so ill cut it off around here. To those who have been around, i love you guys, you are what makes life happy! To those i havent been able to see lately, i miss you!

~Pixie~